The World from a Hard of Hearing Person's Perspective
by Richard Brading

An edited version of a paper delivered to the 6th International Congress of Hard of Hearing People, July 2000, Sydney.

Who and what are we?

Too often we are too self-focussed and spend a lot of time debating whether we are people with a disability or something else but consider how the world around views us. To some we are deaf to others we are certainly difficult. We may choose to hide our condition, or make a big fuss. We don’t have deaf pride. We often choose to hide.

Locked in our own little world

The social history of hearing loss is scant but what we do know is that hearing loss is feared, shunned and denied. Other disabled groups such as the Deaf or those with impaired mobility are reinventing themselves as special, possibly glamorous sub-cultures. We hearing impaired remain locked in our own little world, where we despise who we are and expect no better treatment from those around us.

There are exceptions. Libby Harricks was a woman who reinvented her life to manage her hearing loss in an exemplary way and to become a role model for others.

Depression

Those of us who have battled and are seen as success stories, know the failures, the pain, the stress and the dark moments of depression. I believe all hearing impaired people know the dark face of depression.

I dread noisy parties

It may be the social functions, the noisy party, the business meeting, the mumbler whom we dread. We make excuses, we tell lies, we try to go late and leave early. When I eventually drag myself there I cheat, I smile and I fake a response. I’ve had conversations at parties with people who like to talk. My wife sometimes comes along. When she says, “Do you realise that he hasn’t heard a word you said?” The response is surprise, disgust and even hatred. “How could that man sit nodding his head and smiling and not listening to a word I’m saying?”

Sometimes I can hear what is being said at noisy parties, but the background noise requires full concentration. An evening of full concentration gives me a terrible headache. Sometimes I tell them I cannot hear them and I can see their attention waning.

So many people have a need to talk and I am a very patient listener. Why should I take away a talker’s chance to talk simply because I cannot hear much of what is being said? Why should I be the one standing around looking stupid while people avoid me, as they think: “it is too much trouble talking to him”.

Outsiders looking in: Family, friends and fears

I worked for a law firm where the 84 -year- old founder still came to the office every day. He had a quick mind but poor hearing. His staff and family implored me to talk to him and tell him to get a hearing aid. “He’s driving us mad” they said. I tried to talk to him but he refused to listen. He changed the topic of conversation. He said he wasn’t old enough to get a hearing aid. He had made up his mind. He was unwilling to listen, unwilling to change. His granddaughter was so affected by this old and determined man refusing to do anything about his hearing that she got a job with an audiometrist!

I don’t claim to be perfect. I leave my hearing aids lying around the house and left one in a shirt pocket. It went through the wash but fortunately somehow survived. I haven’t yet acquired a directional microphone but know that I should.

For young people, the effect on friendships is the main worry and concern. The young person may refuse to wear a hearing aid with his or her friends or grow long hair to hide it. Denial leads to failure which leads to depression which reinforces the denial.

Employment

When I suffered my hearing loss at the age of 25, my greatest concern was my employment. I had qualified in law 2 years prior. My hearing loss was sudden and probably caused by a virus. The doctors were unable to identify which one. Whatever it was, I went from normal hearing to a moderate/severe hearing loss within a few days. I worked for two partners. One partner came to visit me at home and was horrified that I could not hear him. I was depressed. He felt I would never work again.

The other partner was the opposite. He was sympathetic and wanted to give me a chance.

I returned to my law firm. At first, I hid in my office and didn’t want to talk to anybody. At last, I crept out the door and discovered that the world was not as frightening as I had imagined. A wonderful secretary took me under her wing and helped with all the difficult telephone calls. She did battle with the partner who wanted to sack me and even looked into how I could go to court. I stayed at that law firm for another two years.

Community

The hearing aid is a wonderful device but hearing aids are a starting point not the total solution or the complete cure.
I used to be a keen dinghy sailor and raced my dinghy on Sydney Harbour every weekend. After my hearing loss, I sailed deaf which meant I was at risk of colliding with other boats that might call out to me but I would not hear. A waterproof hearing aid would have been a great blessing. They say waterproof aids have been made but I’ve never found a provider who stocks them.

Bushwalking may involve following trails or heading out across virgin bush following a leader with map and compass. If one falls behind the party, one calls out and can work out which direction to go from calling to the others in the party who then call back. Hearing aids reduce the effectiveness of the ear to ascertain the direction of sound. This is a considerable nuisance when all alone in the bush.

Snowfields are particularly risky for the hearing impaired. On a ski-ing holiday, I went head over heels in the snow losing goggles, hat, glasses and hearing aid. I stopped to search for the precious aid which had sunk beneath the snow. I cursed the small size of hearing aids and their skin colour. I also cursed my ski instructor and fellow students who all tramped around on their skis to help search for the missing aid, ensuring its burial for the rest of winter.

Rehabilitation

Why aren’t most consumers making more of the rehabilitation that is available and getting involved in self-help groups? This is the $64 question. I can only guess that it has to do with the long time frame that may be necessary to adjust to the loss. In my case, it probably took about 10 years before I had really come to grips with life as a hearing impaired person.

This article posted to this web site on 22 November 2003